The day after Thanksgiving, Eric threw his back out while playing football with the boys (Kevin, Mark & CJ, my 5th child who is really a bonus because I don't have to feed him or find a way to pay for college for him - really like that). Anyway, he made it into the house, ate dinner with us, got around slowly all evening and went to bed. In the morning when he got up it became apparent that things had worsened over night. He took two steps away from the bed and collapsed onto the floor in excrutiating pain. So, 911, ambulance, ER, lots of drugs (sadly, none for me), x-ray, and 3 hours later we arrive home.
First, Eric gets out of the car and makes it halfway to the house and is again gripped and yelling in pain. I react by screaming "Do NOT go down to the ground! I will NOT be able to get you up!" Hmmm. OK, so Florence Nightengale I'm not. But practical, right? We made it to the hood of my car and neighbors (CJ and his dad) ran over to help and managed to get Eric into the house.
Next up...Brooke. After Fred & CJ pretty much carry/drag her pained father into the house and carefully put him on the family room couch, she looks at me with a look of terror in her eyes and says, "He can't stay there, Mom! Joey is coming over later and we're watching movies!" I guess the idea of watching Christmas movies with your boyfriend with your father on the other end of the couch looking like death warmed over because of all the pain meds he's been given is less than appealing, but really. I need to work with her on her timing. And, of course, her compassion. That's it. We need to work on her compassion. But, maybe Eric is the better parent to teach that lesson.
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Monday, December 5, 2011
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Sunday, November 13, 2011
Honesty
Eric and I went to the PHS playoff football game on Friday night and Daniel decided at the last minute that he wanted to go. As we were walking to the ticket booth, Eric told Daniel that he was going to be 5 for tonght (I guess he thought that was a fair guess at a potential free kid age). So, he walks up to the booth and says, "Two adults and a 5 year old." And Daniel says, "I'm seven!" Dammit! Can he not keep his yap shut! To save face for Eric, me, being the kind, considerate wife that I am, said to Daniel, "Yeah! You wish!" LOL! Anyway, all that and there was no free child age anyway. He could have been 3 and they would have charged us. Oh, and the child price was only $2. Yup. An epic fail for us.
And just earlier in the day I had been looking at Brooke's text messages on her phone while she was upstairs and Daniel hollered, "Brooke! Mom's looking at your cell phone!" He's getting to be more trouble than he's worth. I mean, really! What's with this new honesty kick of his?? God knows he didn't learn that from his father!
And just earlier in the day I had been looking at Brooke's text messages on her phone while she was upstairs and Daniel hollered, "Brooke! Mom's looking at your cell phone!" He's getting to be more trouble than he's worth. I mean, really! What's with this new honesty kick of his?? God knows he didn't learn that from his father!
The uni-brow...as described by a seven year old
Daniel was talking to my mom yesterday and telling her about "A", the girl who now sits next to him in first grade. He told her that she has strange eyebrows. Mom asked him what was strange about them and he said, "Well, they start over here where mine do (pointing to the outer part of his own right eyebrow) and then go across but there is only a puny little space before the next one starts." Too funny! I laughed so hard. In the words of my sister-in-law..."Get that girl to a spa for an eyebrow waxing." Who knew that a 1st grade girl could have a uni-brow?? Poor thing.
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
This kind of sums it up
OK. So, tonight I was on my way out of my house headed for my car when I noticed a man, who I had not seen before, walking across my lawn from my neighbor's in the direction of Kevin. I walked over and the guy said "Are you his mother?", nodding toward Kevin. Despite the fact that I had no idea what was coming, and I was reasonably certain that he wasn't going to praise me for the fine job I had done raising such a nice young man, I said "Yes, I am."
Well, it seems that there had been an altercation between Kevin and "E" from next door. This guy told me that he had seen it and that "E" had been the aggressor and was completely to blame, but that "E" had told him that Kevin had been saying bad things about his brother and mother all summer long.
I had a moment of panic, knowing that some not very kind things are said about our neighbors by me in our home that Kevin undoubtedly overhears. However, when I asked Kevin if he had ever said anything bad about "E"'s mother he replied with, "I don't even know which one is his mother!"
For anyone reading this who knows the situation at my neighbors (9 adults, 9 children with a combined 3 mothers and 6 fathers), this is pretty funny.
Well, it seems that there had been an altercation between Kevin and "E" from next door. This guy told me that he had seen it and that "E" had been the aggressor and was completely to blame, but that "E" had told him that Kevin had been saying bad things about his brother and mother all summer long.
I had a moment of panic, knowing that some not very kind things are said about our neighbors by me in our home that Kevin undoubtedly overhears. However, when I asked Kevin if he had ever said anything bad about "E"'s mother he replied with, "I don't even know which one is his mother!"
For anyone reading this who knows the situation at my neighbors (9 adults, 9 children with a combined 3 mothers and 6 fathers), this is pretty funny.
Sunday, July 31, 2011
It must be hereditary
So many of my stories are about my kids and their silly antics...and everyone knows that they have inherited their "blonde" from me. But, here is a story to show that it goes back at least one more generation.
My parents live in an over-55 community in Cranbury. Both are very active and have very busy lives. Recently Mom went to a craft fair with a friend. Dad did his own thing and was sitting in the family room watching TV when he heard the garage door open. He assumed Mom was home. Then the garage door went down. Then up again. Then down. Then up.
Meanwhile, IN THE NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOR'S DRIVEWAY, Mom is sitting in her car wondering why the garage door opener isn't working. When she got out of the car to use the key pad and realized there was not a key pad the lightbulb went on and she looked around to see that she had pulled into the wrong driveway. Genious!
Her justification is that her neighbor's husband has a car very similar to my dad's that was parked in the driveway. Not a strong arguement in my opinion. Kind of makes me wonder if she should be driving at all!
My parents live in an over-55 community in Cranbury. Both are very active and have very busy lives. Recently Mom went to a craft fair with a friend. Dad did his own thing and was sitting in the family room watching TV when he heard the garage door open. He assumed Mom was home. Then the garage door went down. Then up again. Then down. Then up.
Meanwhile, IN THE NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOR'S DRIVEWAY, Mom is sitting in her car wondering why the garage door opener isn't working. When she got out of the car to use the key pad and realized there was not a key pad the lightbulb went on and she looked around to see that she had pulled into the wrong driveway. Genious!
Her justification is that her neighbor's husband has a car very similar to my dad's that was parked in the driveway. Not a strong arguement in my opinion. Kind of makes me wonder if she should be driving at all!
Friday, July 29, 2011
Camping/canoeing 2009
OK. I am well aware that this post is 2 years late. And I am also painfully aware that just about everyone I know has heard this story. However, in the spirit of recording life's more amusing moments, I am going to tell this story YET AGAIN!!! I also need to follow up with my diary of this year's camping/canoe trip. And my sense of order does not allow me to tell the stories out of order. (Spoiler alert: Daniel and I bailed out on the canoeing part of this year's trip)
Anyway, I married into an "outdoorsy" family. The Ruoffs camp. Fletchers do not. Ruoffs also canoe. Fletchers do not. So, two years ago when Eric's brother was arranging a family camping/canoe trip I was a bit apprehensive. It would have been fine if Eric and I had only one or two kids and we could all go in one canoe with Eric at the helm. But, noooo, we went and had four children, which means that our family needs two canoes -- one with Eric and 2 kids and one with me and 2 kids.
So, after a 30 minute van ride down a dirt road, after which I was feeling more than a little motion sick, Eric puts me in a canoe with Mark and Daniel and pushes me out onto the river. Note that I say "river". This is not a lake with wide open space and little current. This is narrow, with logs and tree branches to challenge even the most experienced canoe-steerer. And have I mentioned that I DON'T KNOW HOW TO STEER A CANOE!!! So, off we go with me saying to Eric "You need to come right after us because I don't know what I'm doing." Well, seems that Donny Do Right didn't hear me and decided that he would help everyone else get into their canoes and onto the river...leaving me floating down the river alone. Needless to say, things didn't go well.
100 yards into the trip, a canoe in front of us tipped over, dumping its occupants into the water. Daniel freaked and cried for the next 30 minutes. He actually said "I want to go to a hotel" -- yup, that's my boy! I was really not able to calm his fear as we were going backwards, sideways and every which way down the river. When I realized that the S.O.B. was not coming, I grabbed a tree branch and held on for dear life. Meanwhile, the rest of his family members are maneuvering their canoes with grace past me. Every once and a while I would let go and try again, but every attempt seemed to bring a new challenge. A low hanging tree branch hitting Mark in the face, a log to steer around which always resulted in a sideways/backwards predicament, another canoe in trouble to get Daniel crying again. Things were not going well and I was pissed!
Eric finally caught up and boy did he hear it. I was actually asking complete strangers as they passed if they knew good divorce attorneys. He had to jump out of his canoe twice to help get me around logs. And did I mention that he had Brooke and Kevin...our two oldest children in HIS canoe. He was desperately trying to "right" the situation with instuctions "Paddle right, no left. Paddle backwards. No. On the right!" Really not that helpful.
After about an hour of this torture...and that hour seemed like days!!!...I said to Eric, "I think we need to pull over to that sandy area and re-group. None of the kids are even sunscreened." His response was "Oh, OK, well I sunscreened myself." Are you kidding me?!?! He actually sunscreened himself and none of our children AND was dumb enough to tell me! I suggested that next time he keep his mouth shut and re-apply.
We stopped, sunscreened, had lunch and recruited his niece to steer my canoe. Really, we can credit her with the fact that we are still married today. Thanks Lindsay!!
Anyway, I married into an "outdoorsy" family. The Ruoffs camp. Fletchers do not. Ruoffs also canoe. Fletchers do not. So, two years ago when Eric's brother was arranging a family camping/canoe trip I was a bit apprehensive. It would have been fine if Eric and I had only one or two kids and we could all go in one canoe with Eric at the helm. But, noooo, we went and had four children, which means that our family needs two canoes -- one with Eric and 2 kids and one with me and 2 kids.
So, after a 30 minute van ride down a dirt road, after which I was feeling more than a little motion sick, Eric puts me in a canoe with Mark and Daniel and pushes me out onto the river. Note that I say "river". This is not a lake with wide open space and little current. This is narrow, with logs and tree branches to challenge even the most experienced canoe-steerer. And have I mentioned that I DON'T KNOW HOW TO STEER A CANOE!!! So, off we go with me saying to Eric "You need to come right after us because I don't know what I'm doing." Well, seems that Donny Do Right didn't hear me and decided that he would help everyone else get into their canoes and onto the river...leaving me floating down the river alone. Needless to say, things didn't go well.
100 yards into the trip, a canoe in front of us tipped over, dumping its occupants into the water. Daniel freaked and cried for the next 30 minutes. He actually said "I want to go to a hotel" -- yup, that's my boy! I was really not able to calm his fear as we were going backwards, sideways and every which way down the river. When I realized that the S.O.B. was not coming, I grabbed a tree branch and held on for dear life. Meanwhile, the rest of his family members are maneuvering their canoes with grace past me. Every once and a while I would let go and try again, but every attempt seemed to bring a new challenge. A low hanging tree branch hitting Mark in the face, a log to steer around which always resulted in a sideways/backwards predicament, another canoe in trouble to get Daniel crying again. Things were not going well and I was pissed!
Eric finally caught up and boy did he hear it. I was actually asking complete strangers as they passed if they knew good divorce attorneys. He had to jump out of his canoe twice to help get me around logs. And did I mention that he had Brooke and Kevin...our two oldest children in HIS canoe. He was desperately trying to "right" the situation with instuctions "Paddle right, no left. Paddle backwards. No. On the right!" Really not that helpful.
After about an hour of this torture...and that hour seemed like days!!!...I said to Eric, "I think we need to pull over to that sandy area and re-group. None of the kids are even sunscreened." His response was "Oh, OK, well I sunscreened myself." Are you kidding me?!?! He actually sunscreened himself and none of our children AND was dumb enough to tell me! I suggested that next time he keep his mouth shut and re-apply.
We stopped, sunscreened, had lunch and recruited his niece to steer my canoe. Really, we can credit her with the fact that we are still married today. Thanks Lindsay!!
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Ruoff quote of the day
Snapple fact on Brooke's iced tea cap: "The plastic things on the ends of shoelaces are called aglets."
Ruoff quote of the day: "Someone needs to tell Snapple that Phineas and Ferb have already covered that."
Ruoff quote of the day: "Someone needs to tell Snapple that Phineas and Ferb have already covered that."
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Brotherly love
Getting out of the car at swim practice this morning, Kevin opened the manual door and Mark opened the automatic door. Kevin said to Mark, "That door is for wieners." Mark countered with "Oh, then come on out."
You just gotta love the mutual love and respect they have for each other!
You just gotta love the mutual love and respect they have for each other!
Sunday, July 17, 2011
"Pay no attention to the anti-itch cream on the floor"
We are just back from a weekend camping trip with the Ruoff clan and everyone is riddled with bug bites. Kevin came in to ask me if we have any hydocortizone and I directed him to the drawer in the bathroom.
He obviously found it because I just walked into the family room and as I passed him sitting on the stairs he says, "Pay no attention to the anti-itch cream on the floor." Took me a second or two to double back, but, sure enough, there is a big glob of hydrocortizone on the floor. Ugh!
See, babies and young children are easier...if Daniel had a bug bite (or 15 as the case may be with Kevin), I would be putting on the anti-itch cream and it would NOT be on the floor.
He obviously found it because I just walked into the family room and as I passed him sitting on the stairs he says, "Pay no attention to the anti-itch cream on the floor." Took me a second or two to double back, but, sure enough, there is a big glob of hydrocortizone on the floor. Ugh!
See, babies and young children are easier...if Daniel had a bug bite (or 15 as the case may be with Kevin), I would be putting on the anti-itch cream and it would NOT be on the floor.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Why do I have to re-live my teen years?
One of the problems with parenting teenagers is that it brings you back to your own teen years...and I know very few people who would choose to re-live junior high or high school. Too much drama. Too many mistakes.
As many of my Facebook friends have pointed out, and I agree, I WOULD happily take back my body at 16. But all of the other stuff...no thanks...not without the wisdom that I have now. Why is it that we don't develop the social skills and mental toughness to deal with junior high and high school issues until we are at least in our 30's?
I think the key thing that many teens are lacking is the ability to assert themselves. This one skill would really eliminate most teenage drama. For example, a group of girls (or boys) who sit at lunch all year together all of a sudden start to exclude one of them from the conversations. As an adult, I would say "Hey, what's the matter? Did I say or do something that offended you?" (Which in all probability I did) and they would tell me, I would apologize and/or explain myself and we would move on -- either as friends or I would find another lunch table. But, the response of a typical teenager (at least my two teenagers and my one soon-to-be teenager) is to ignore it until it goes away. This results in days and maybe weeks of misery at lunch. AND it doesn't let you know what the problem is or was so that it can be fixed.
And relationships with boys? Ugh! I was a disaster in high school. I did well early on...my boyfriend in 8th grade was a gem. Nice, cute, great family...6 inches shorter than me, but a great guy (his sister is now my dentist). I have a hilarious picture of the two of us before our 8th grade dance...he is standing on the step and I am on the sidewalk...and I am still taller than him! Anyway, I digress. Things went downhill from there and by junior year I found myself in what I now know was an abusive relationship. He didn't beat me up or even hit me, but manipulation was his game and I was too stupid to see it. He isolated me from my friends and alienated me from my family. If I even said hello to another boy he would squeeze my hand (which he was always holding) until it hurt. To say my mother hated him would be an understatement. And because she hated him, I went out with him for a year and a half. (I wonder where my kids get their stubbornness?) Now I see my daughter in relationships and I am so overprotective it is ridiculous! She has none of the above issues...if she did I would be completely freaking out. But teenage boys are not generally caring, giving individuals. It is tough to watch her in a relationship with the baggage that I carry around. Can I lock her in the house and not let her date until she is smart enough to recognize the losers? I wish!
And what am I going to do when the boys are dating? Am I going to hawk them to be sure that they don't become my ex? Yikes! I've got a long road!
No one tells you when you are having babies that all that getting up in the middle of the night, changing diapers and colic...that is the easy part. Teenagers...that's the hard part. And the saying that a mom can only be as happy as her least happy child...totally true...and you learn that only as your children grow and experience heartbreak and pain.
OK...since this has gotten a little serious I am going to lighten it up and give everyone a laugh by throwing myself under the bus and posting the picture of me and my then boyfriend before our 8th grade dance. Brooke insists. And since she has been the source of more than a few funny posts, it is only fair that I indulge her. So, here goes...
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As many of my Facebook friends have pointed out, and I agree, I WOULD happily take back my body at 16. But all of the other stuff...no thanks...not without the wisdom that I have now. Why is it that we don't develop the social skills and mental toughness to deal with junior high and high school issues until we are at least in our 30's?
I think the key thing that many teens are lacking is the ability to assert themselves. This one skill would really eliminate most teenage drama. For example, a group of girls (or boys) who sit at lunch all year together all of a sudden start to exclude one of them from the conversations. As an adult, I would say "Hey, what's the matter? Did I say or do something that offended you?" (Which in all probability I did) and they would tell me, I would apologize and/or explain myself and we would move on -- either as friends or I would find another lunch table. But, the response of a typical teenager (at least my two teenagers and my one soon-to-be teenager) is to ignore it until it goes away. This results in days and maybe weeks of misery at lunch. AND it doesn't let you know what the problem is or was so that it can be fixed.
And relationships with boys? Ugh! I was a disaster in high school. I did well early on...my boyfriend in 8th grade was a gem. Nice, cute, great family...6 inches shorter than me, but a great guy (his sister is now my dentist). I have a hilarious picture of the two of us before our 8th grade dance...he is standing on the step and I am on the sidewalk...and I am still taller than him! Anyway, I digress. Things went downhill from there and by junior year I found myself in what I now know was an abusive relationship. He didn't beat me up or even hit me, but manipulation was his game and I was too stupid to see it. He isolated me from my friends and alienated me from my family. If I even said hello to another boy he would squeeze my hand (which he was always holding) until it hurt. To say my mother hated him would be an understatement. And because she hated him, I went out with him for a year and a half. (I wonder where my kids get their stubbornness?) Now I see my daughter in relationships and I am so overprotective it is ridiculous! She has none of the above issues...if she did I would be completely freaking out. But teenage boys are not generally caring, giving individuals. It is tough to watch her in a relationship with the baggage that I carry around. Can I lock her in the house and not let her date until she is smart enough to recognize the losers? I wish!
And what am I going to do when the boys are dating? Am I going to hawk them to be sure that they don't become my ex? Yikes! I've got a long road!
No one tells you when you are having babies that all that getting up in the middle of the night, changing diapers and colic...that is the easy part. Teenagers...that's the hard part. And the saying that a mom can only be as happy as her least happy child...totally true...and you learn that only as your children grow and experience heartbreak and pain.
OK...since this has gotten a little serious I am going to lighten it up and give everyone a laugh by throwing myself under the bus and posting the picture of me and my then boyfriend before our 8th grade dance. Brooke insists. And since she has been the source of more than a few funny posts, it is only fair that I indulge her. So, here goes...
Makes me laugh everytime I look at it. And Brooke says my dress looks like an apron. But I will have you know that it is a Gunne Sax dress...very "in" back then. LOL!!! And those shoes are snappy, too. Ugh!!!
Brooke & Beth...I hope you are happy!!!
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Social blunder of the evening...
And the award goes to...Eric Ruoff!!!!
So, we were at Eric's niece's wedding last night. Eric and I were seated at a table with his sister, his brother and his wife, and another couple, Alicia and Wayne. When we sat down and introduced ourselves, Alicia introduced herself and Wayne as "Julia's grandparents". Julia is Eric's other niece's 5 year old daughter, fathered by a boy who, sadly, committed suicide during her pregnancy. So, I made the connection in my head that they were Anthony's parents. Right? Obvious enough. Or so I thought.
About 20 minutes later, Eric, making small talk I guess, actually asked Alicia and Wayne if they had any children. Are you kidding me? As soon as he said it I thought "He did NOT just ask that question! Did he?!?" Unbelievable! He did. He asked them if they have any children. So, Alicia, clearly more socially graceful than my husband, anwered (stammered?) that they have a daughter and that their son was Julia's dad. Thankfully, Eric let it go there. Because I still don't think that he had put it all together. In an effort to stop the bleeding, I excused myself to the ladies room and asked Eric to get me a drink. (I sure needed one at that point) On the way, I explained what he had just done.
He swears he didn't hear her when she said they were Julia's grandparents. So, he is either deaf or stupid. He even capitilized on that "deaf" thing later when she was talking and he moved over a seat and said, "Sorry, I don't hear very well." As if THAT will help!
So, we were at Eric's niece's wedding last night. Eric and I were seated at a table with his sister, his brother and his wife, and another couple, Alicia and Wayne. When we sat down and introduced ourselves, Alicia introduced herself and Wayne as "Julia's grandparents". Julia is Eric's other niece's 5 year old daughter, fathered by a boy who, sadly, committed suicide during her pregnancy. So, I made the connection in my head that they were Anthony's parents. Right? Obvious enough. Or so I thought.
About 20 minutes later, Eric, making small talk I guess, actually asked Alicia and Wayne if they had any children. Are you kidding me? As soon as he said it I thought "He did NOT just ask that question! Did he?!?" Unbelievable! He did. He asked them if they have any children. So, Alicia, clearly more socially graceful than my husband, anwered (stammered?) that they have a daughter and that their son was Julia's dad. Thankfully, Eric let it go there. Because I still don't think that he had put it all together. In an effort to stop the bleeding, I excused myself to the ladies room and asked Eric to get me a drink. (I sure needed one at that point) On the way, I explained what he had just done.
He swears he didn't hear her when she said they were Julia's grandparents. So, he is either deaf or stupid. He even capitilized on that "deaf" thing later when she was talking and he moved over a seat and said, "Sorry, I don't hear very well." As if THAT will help!
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Last day of school
Well, today is the last day of school here. Brooke is now officially a junior in high school (YIKES...gotta start thinking about college), Kevin a freshman (OMG!), Mark a 6th grader (moving to middle school -- another OMG!) and Daniel is a 1st grader (never, ever again, will I have a Kindergartener...sniff, sniff, tear).
I always feel strangely sentimental at the end of school. On the one hand, I am glad to see school end and summer begin. I always start out the summer kind of enjoying having the kids home. I enjoy summer activities...the pool with friends, vacations, baseball games, playdates, etc. On the other hand, I am saddened by the passage of time. More than even birthdays, I really feel the passage of time with the last day of school. Maybe because birthdays come one at a time. On the last day of school they all "grow up" together.
So, I am happy for the kids and proud of their wonderful accomplishments. And I am sad for me...that my babies are growing up.
I always feel strangely sentimental at the end of school. On the one hand, I am glad to see school end and summer begin. I always start out the summer kind of enjoying having the kids home. I enjoy summer activities...the pool with friends, vacations, baseball games, playdates, etc. On the other hand, I am saddened by the passage of time. More than even birthdays, I really feel the passage of time with the last day of school. Maybe because birthdays come one at a time. On the last day of school they all "grow up" together.
So, I am happy for the kids and proud of their wonderful accomplishments. And I am sad for me...that my babies are growing up.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Just need to vent
Dear Jackass (not his real name),
Please tell me why, after two weeks of constant texting and telling her how much you like her and how cute and pretty she is and you two have "made it official" by changing your facebook statuses to "In a relationship", you have made no effort to actually SEE my daughter. Did you just want to tell 800+ of your closest friends that you have a girlfriend? Oh, and I especially like the fact that you included pictures of her when you "announced" your relationship. Yes, she is pretty, isn't she? And probably a bit out of your league. So, I don't blame you for wanting everyone to see what she looks like. Do you want to be sure that you have something to do over the summer when everyone else is busy or is going off to college? Or do you just have no clue what to do with a girlfriend? I know she is your first girlfriend...can't say I'm surprised, but here's a newsflash...texting 24-7 is not a relationship!
OK. I realize you were grounded (doesn't endear you to me...although, in all fairness I don't know the reason...how would I?...I haven't seen you and my daughter either didn't ask, doesn't understand, or isn't sharing). But you were ungrounded on Friday. At least it would appear that you had some freedom this weekend. You went out with your friends on Friday and to the movies with friends after work on Saturday. And, yes, you have a job. But have you ever heard of making a date? Maybe you could even ask for a night off. And, really, maybe just making an effort to meet after school would be a good start. Drive her home or to color guard (the fact that you drive and have a car is another negative, but I'm desperate) . If you like her as much as you said you did, any amount of time should be great.
And next weekend is prom. And you already had a date before this "relationship" "blossomed" (who I made the mistake of checking out on facebook and the fact that every status update drops the F-bomb and she has her face pierced in multiple places and 7 tattoos and a size DDDD bra is less than impressive). I understand. But really? A little time for your girlfriend before you head off to prom and Wildwood with this other young lady (cough, cough) is definitely in order.
I'm not judging. Before this whole relationship thing started I really thought you were a nice guy. But you better figure this all out and learn the ins and outs of having a girlfriend pretty darn fast or this may just be the shortest relationship you'll ever have. And as proud as you were to announce the relationship to your facebook friends, it will be pretty embarrassing when you have to change your relationship status back to "Single" before many of said "friends" have even noticed.
We have not gotten off on the right foot. I'm pretty easy to please. Just give her the time and attention she deserves...or you don't deserve her.
Sincerely,
Mrs. Ruoff
Please tell me why, after two weeks of constant texting and telling her how much you like her and how cute and pretty she is and you two have "made it official" by changing your facebook statuses to "In a relationship", you have made no effort to actually SEE my daughter. Did you just want to tell 800+ of your closest friends that you have a girlfriend? Oh, and I especially like the fact that you included pictures of her when you "announced" your relationship. Yes, she is pretty, isn't she? And probably a bit out of your league. So, I don't blame you for wanting everyone to see what she looks like. Do you want to be sure that you have something to do over the summer when everyone else is busy or is going off to college? Or do you just have no clue what to do with a girlfriend? I know she is your first girlfriend...can't say I'm surprised, but here's a newsflash...texting 24-7 is not a relationship!
OK. I realize you were grounded (doesn't endear you to me...although, in all fairness I don't know the reason...how would I?...I haven't seen you and my daughter either didn't ask, doesn't understand, or isn't sharing). But you were ungrounded on Friday. At least it would appear that you had some freedom this weekend. You went out with your friends on Friday and to the movies with friends after work on Saturday. And, yes, you have a job. But have you ever heard of making a date? Maybe you could even ask for a night off. And, really, maybe just making an effort to meet after school would be a good start. Drive her home or to color guard (the fact that you drive and have a car is another negative, but I'm desperate) . If you like her as much as you said you did, any amount of time should be great.
And next weekend is prom. And you already had a date before this "relationship" "blossomed" (who I made the mistake of checking out on facebook and the fact that every status update drops the F-bomb and she has her face pierced in multiple places and 7 tattoos and a size DDDD bra is less than impressive). I understand. But really? A little time for your girlfriend before you head off to prom and Wildwood with this other young lady (cough, cough) is definitely in order.
I'm not judging. Before this whole relationship thing started I really thought you were a nice guy. But you better figure this all out and learn the ins and outs of having a girlfriend pretty darn fast or this may just be the shortest relationship you'll ever have. And as proud as you were to announce the relationship to your facebook friends, it will be pretty embarrassing when you have to change your relationship status back to "Single" before many of said "friends" have even noticed.
We have not gotten off on the right foot. I'm pretty easy to please. Just give her the time and attention she deserves...or you don't deserve her.
Sincerely,
Mrs. Ruoff
Thursday, May 26, 2011
My first bit of advice on raising teenagers
Brooke recently decided that she wanted to break up with her boyfriend. This was her first boyfriend and while he lived in Spain and it clearly was never going anywhere due to the long distance issue and her young age, it was "real" for both of them. They met while she was in Spain in February and chatted on Facebook religiously until he came here on his exchange in April. They spent two fun filled weeks together in America and off he went...back to Spain. They continued the Facebook thing, but, really, that was not going to satisfy either one of them for long. They are young and that is just not what they needed or wanted in a relationship. Brooke's feelings for him started to fade. He continued to hang onto the hope that she would come to Barcelona to visit in the summer (I guess his parents nixed another trip to America for him), but that just wasn't going to happen. She is 16 and I don't know a thing about this boy or his family.
Anyway, when she told me she wanted to break up I felt strangely sad. This was her first "love" and it was over. I also felt sad for him. I hated the idea that he would be heartbroken...and by my daughter, no less.
And then started the mistakes -- mine. There were so many things I wanted to say. Don't hurt his feelings. There is no need to tell him the whole truth. Let him down easy. Make sure he knows that you really did care for him. Etc.
So I started saying them. Every time I thought of a little "pearl of wisdom," I shared. Every time she walked into a room I said, "Don't forget to..." Every time she got on the computer I said, "Are you chatting with Otmar? Please be kind." I was driving her crazy! And driving myself crazy as well. But these things I had to say...they were so important. I am trying to raise her to be compassionate and kind. If I don't teach her, who will?
She really started losing her patience. She said to me one day "Mom, I'm not a mean person."
And then it hit me. I had handled this all wrong. She wasn't even listening any more.
So, here is my advice (actually it was advice to me from my mom, but I am sharing): When you have some important life lesson for your teen (or even younger children) think about what you want to say, how you want to say it and when you want to say it (sometimes kids are more receptive to listening than others)...and say it...once...and let it go. Don't bring it up again. Hopefully the ground work has been laid and their moral compass already has them pointing in the right direction and all you need to do is fine tune.
I eventually wrote it all down on a piece of paper and gave it to her. I promised never to bring it up again. And I didn't.
She broke up with the boyfriend and, from what I am told, he understood and the decision was seemingly mutual. All is well that ends well.
Just hoping I can follow this advice and do better next time!
Anyway, when she told me she wanted to break up I felt strangely sad. This was her first "love" and it was over. I also felt sad for him. I hated the idea that he would be heartbroken...and by my daughter, no less.
And then started the mistakes -- mine. There were so many things I wanted to say. Don't hurt his feelings. There is no need to tell him the whole truth. Let him down easy. Make sure he knows that you really did care for him. Etc.
So I started saying them. Every time I thought of a little "pearl of wisdom," I shared. Every time she walked into a room I said, "Don't forget to..." Every time she got on the computer I said, "Are you chatting with Otmar? Please be kind." I was driving her crazy! And driving myself crazy as well. But these things I had to say...they were so important. I am trying to raise her to be compassionate and kind. If I don't teach her, who will?
She really started losing her patience. She said to me one day "Mom, I'm not a mean person."
And then it hit me. I had handled this all wrong. She wasn't even listening any more.
So, here is my advice (actually it was advice to me from my mom, but I am sharing): When you have some important life lesson for your teen (or even younger children) think about what you want to say, how you want to say it and when you want to say it (sometimes kids are more receptive to listening than others)...and say it...once...and let it go. Don't bring it up again. Hopefully the ground work has been laid and their moral compass already has them pointing in the right direction and all you need to do is fine tune.
I eventually wrote it all down on a piece of paper and gave it to her. I promised never to bring it up again. And I didn't.
She broke up with the boyfriend and, from what I am told, he understood and the decision was seemingly mutual. All is well that ends well.
Just hoping I can follow this advice and do better next time!
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Her hair may have gotten a bit darker, but she's still blonde!
Driving home from QuickChek this afternoon, Brooke saw a sign that reads "Deaf Child Area".
Her question to me: "Are there certain neighborhoods where people with deaf children live?"
Bwahhh ha ha ha!!!!
She thought that the sign was there BEFORE the deaf child moved in!
No, dear. When a family moves in with a deaf or hearing impaired child, they put the sign up.
Anyone want to bet on whether or not she knows why a sign is necessary???? I guarantee she hasn't a clue.
I'll go ask her....
Suprise!!! She does know why a sign is necessary! Yeah! There is hope!
Her question to me: "Are there certain neighborhoods where people with deaf children live?"
Bwahhh ha ha ha!!!!
She thought that the sign was there BEFORE the deaf child moved in!
No, dear. When a family moves in with a deaf or hearing impaired child, they put the sign up.
Anyone want to bet on whether or not she knows why a sign is necessary???? I guarantee she hasn't a clue.
I'll go ask her....
Suprise!!! She does know why a sign is necessary! Yeah! There is hope!
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Maybe I have his attention
At 6 1/2 Daniel continues to be the pickiest eater on the planet. He even knows it himself. He had a friend over last week. They were getting a snack and he asked his friend "Are you allergic to anything?" (Very sweet...his best buddy is allergic to nuts, so he is sensitive to the allergy thing). His friend said "No, are you?" Daniel responded with, "No, I'm just very picky."
Anyway, while sitting at Great Clips last week with Daniel getting a haircut, I was looking at a magazine that had an article on how to handle stubborn children. It addressed the picky eater. The suggestion was to give the child whatever you have prepared for dinner. If he/she does not want to eat it than they can get their own dinner...something easy that they can get themselves.
So, Sunday night I told Daniel that from now on if he doesn't want what I made he can get his own dinner. The conversation proceeded as follows:
Me: Daniel, we are having chicken and baked potatoes for dinner. Are you going to eat that?
Daniel: No.
Me: Than you are on your own.
Fast forward to dinner time. Daniel sits down at the table and there is nothing at his spot.
Daniel: Where is my dinner?
Me: I told you that you have to get it yourself. You can have dry cereal, yogurt or a cheese stick.
Daniel (in the kitchen): I'll have Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Can you get me a bowl?
Me: No, you have to get it yourself. The dishes in the dishwasher are clean.
Well, Daniel managed to get a bowl, pour himself his cereal and join us for dinner. He later heard me tell Eric about the new plan and where I heard about it. He said "Where is that magazine?" I told him I read it at the haircut place. To which he responded, "If that magazine ever comes in this house I'm going to tear it up and throw it away!"
So at least I've managed to annoy him!
Anyway, while sitting at Great Clips last week with Daniel getting a haircut, I was looking at a magazine that had an article on how to handle stubborn children. It addressed the picky eater. The suggestion was to give the child whatever you have prepared for dinner. If he/she does not want to eat it than they can get their own dinner...something easy that they can get themselves.
So, Sunday night I told Daniel that from now on if he doesn't want what I made he can get his own dinner. The conversation proceeded as follows:
Me: Daniel, we are having chicken and baked potatoes for dinner. Are you going to eat that?
Daniel: No.
Me: Than you are on your own.
Fast forward to dinner time. Daniel sits down at the table and there is nothing at his spot.
Daniel: Where is my dinner?
Me: I told you that you have to get it yourself. You can have dry cereal, yogurt or a cheese stick.
Daniel (in the kitchen): I'll have Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Can you get me a bowl?
Me: No, you have to get it yourself. The dishes in the dishwasher are clean.
Well, Daniel managed to get a bowl, pour himself his cereal and join us for dinner. He later heard me tell Eric about the new plan and where I heard about it. He said "Where is that magazine?" I told him I read it at the haircut place. To which he responded, "If that magazine ever comes in this house I'm going to tear it up and throw it away!"
So at least I've managed to annoy him!
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Was I mad at her...or at myself??
Either way, I was temporarily insane!
We had an exchange student from Barcelona, Spain stay with us for two weeks in April. Yes, April. April 2-16 to be exact. The end of tax season when everything is a crisis and has a deadline of yesterday. (I point this out in order to defend my insanity). Anyway, the day that Anna left we took some pictures. Some were timer shots of all six of us with Anna that were taken with Brooke's camera.
For two weeks I told Brooke to upload them to Facebook and share them with me and with Anna. These were the only pictures taken that had all of us. As usual, I got "I know, Mom." "I will, Mom." "I'll do it, Mom." -- all with attitude and sometime including eye rolling.
Fast forward to the Sunday before Brooke leaves for Disney World with her high school band. I said, "You need to upload those pictures BEFORE you leave for Disney." Her response was a predictable "I will, Mom."
So, Wednesday morning I drove her to the high school with her luggage at 6am. The buses were leaving at 11, but they needed to get their luggage to school early so that it could be checked. At about 7am it occured to me that I did not see those pictures post to my Facebook wall so I texted her to ask her if she had uploaded them. The answer was predictably "No."
I lost it. I texted her back that I would meet her in the parking lot when she was boarding the bus and that I would take her memory card and give her a blank one to bring to Disney. Well, this started World War III. She wanted no part of me coming up to the school and of being seen walking over to my car in front of her friends. The arguments started: I won't lose it, I'll be careful, I'll do it as soon as I get home, I will leave the card in my suitcase, Nothing will happen...
In reality, the chance of her camera getting lost or stolen or falling in the water and the pictures being lost forever was admittedly slim. But, dammit, I knew that if any of those things happened I was going to beat her senseless! And it was more than just the memory card. Wrapped up in this argument were all the things that had been annoying me about her...she didn't do what I asked, she didn't do what she said she would do, and, most importantly, she was so wrapped up in herself and what mattered to her that she did not understand that these pictures were important to more people than just her and she had a responsibility for safeguarding them.
In addition, I think I was completely annoyed with myself. The night before she asked me to take her to Target to get coloring books of all things, AND I DID IT!!!!! I didn't ask, "Did you do what I asked you to do?" Nope. I just took my 16 year old to buy Princess coloring books and a 64 pack of crayons (which she said she had NEVER had a 64 pack of crayons -- poor deprived child that she was). Because, like any mom, I want her to be happy and have her every hearts desire. GAG!!!!
But now! Now I was pissed! So, I drove up to the high school, parked in the parking lot with the coach buses, and sent her a text that said "Stop arguing with me. I am already here. Bring me the memory card!". I think I even said that I would follow the buses onto Route 287 before I would let her take that memory card to Florida. She finally surrendered and brought me the memory card. With a chill in the air, we swapped and she was on her way.
I texted a friend (also a parent of a teen girl) "The eagle has landed. I have the memory card. A small victory for our team!" And she responded, "Go team!!!".
It's these small battles in the world of parenting that seem so important at the time and are really so minor. But in reality, if we don't win the small ones, we don't have a prayer when it comes to the big ones.
We had an exchange student from Barcelona, Spain stay with us for two weeks in April. Yes, April. April 2-16 to be exact. The end of tax season when everything is a crisis and has a deadline of yesterday. (I point this out in order to defend my insanity). Anyway, the day that Anna left we took some pictures. Some were timer shots of all six of us with Anna that were taken with Brooke's camera.
For two weeks I told Brooke to upload them to Facebook and share them with me and with Anna. These were the only pictures taken that had all of us. As usual, I got "I know, Mom." "I will, Mom." "I'll do it, Mom." -- all with attitude and sometime including eye rolling.
Fast forward to the Sunday before Brooke leaves for Disney World with her high school band. I said, "You need to upload those pictures BEFORE you leave for Disney." Her response was a predictable "I will, Mom."
So, Wednesday morning I drove her to the high school with her luggage at 6am. The buses were leaving at 11, but they needed to get their luggage to school early so that it could be checked. At about 7am it occured to me that I did not see those pictures post to my Facebook wall so I texted her to ask her if she had uploaded them. The answer was predictably "No."
I lost it. I texted her back that I would meet her in the parking lot when she was boarding the bus and that I would take her memory card and give her a blank one to bring to Disney. Well, this started World War III. She wanted no part of me coming up to the school and of being seen walking over to my car in front of her friends. The arguments started: I won't lose it, I'll be careful, I'll do it as soon as I get home, I will leave the card in my suitcase, Nothing will happen...
In reality, the chance of her camera getting lost or stolen or falling in the water and the pictures being lost forever was admittedly slim. But, dammit, I knew that if any of those things happened I was going to beat her senseless! And it was more than just the memory card. Wrapped up in this argument were all the things that had been annoying me about her...she didn't do what I asked, she didn't do what she said she would do, and, most importantly, she was so wrapped up in herself and what mattered to her that she did not understand that these pictures were important to more people than just her and she had a responsibility for safeguarding them.
In addition, I think I was completely annoyed with myself. The night before she asked me to take her to Target to get coloring books of all things, AND I DID IT!!!!! I didn't ask, "Did you do what I asked you to do?" Nope. I just took my 16 year old to buy Princess coloring books and a 64 pack of crayons (which she said she had NEVER had a 64 pack of crayons -- poor deprived child that she was). Because, like any mom, I want her to be happy and have her every hearts desire. GAG!!!!
But now! Now I was pissed! So, I drove up to the high school, parked in the parking lot with the coach buses, and sent her a text that said "Stop arguing with me. I am already here. Bring me the memory card!". I think I even said that I would follow the buses onto Route 287 before I would let her take that memory card to Florida. She finally surrendered and brought me the memory card. With a chill in the air, we swapped and she was on her way.
I texted a friend (also a parent of a teen girl) "The eagle has landed. I have the memory card. A small victory for our team!" And she responded, "Go team!!!".
It's these small battles in the world of parenting that seem so important at the time and are really so minor. But in reality, if we don't win the small ones, we don't have a prayer when it comes to the big ones.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Busy season is over!
Wow! Again, months have gone by without a blog update. It is really ashame that my life gets in the way of doing the things that I enjoy doing. Pesky job, laundry, dishes, grocery shopping, etc. But, February 1 - April 15 poses some extra challenges...and provides much in the way of blog material.
Tax season. I just finished by 22nd tax season at WithumSmith+Brown. Now, granted, they aren't what they used to be for me. In the years BK (before kids) I was working full-time on my way to becoming the first female partner (funny how life changes and what you thought you wanted seems laughable 16 years later). Mandatory hours during tax season were Mon., Wed. & Fri. 8:30am - 5:30pm (not bad), Tues. & Thurs. 8:30am - 11:00pm and a minimum of 5 hours on Saturday. It was brutal. It was ugly. It was exhausing. And, at times, it was fun.
Now, four kids later, I am still working for the same firm -- part time. Most of the year I work 12-15 hours a week. Once busy season starts I have agreed to ramp up to 20-24 hours a week. In reality, for most of March I worked 30-35 hours a week. Half as many hours a week as I used to work...and equally exhausting...maybe more so.
I realize many women work full time and raise their families, so I am NOT complaining. God bless them! The problem I have is that I have set my life up as a stay at home mom who works a few hours a week, which means I volunteer for 3 parent-teacher organizations (one of which I am President), I am the Treasurer for my church preschool and I am the go-to person to drive everyone everywhere. Adding 30-35 hours of work to that just doesn't work that well.
But I'm back. So hopefully blog posts will be coming more frequently. Oh! And I've discovered the joy of teenagers! So much material! Stay tuned!
Tax season. I just finished by 22nd tax season at WithumSmith+Brown. Now, granted, they aren't what they used to be for me. In the years BK (before kids) I was working full-time on my way to becoming the first female partner (funny how life changes and what you thought you wanted seems laughable 16 years later). Mandatory hours during tax season were Mon., Wed. & Fri. 8:30am - 5:30pm (not bad), Tues. & Thurs. 8:30am - 11:00pm and a minimum of 5 hours on Saturday. It was brutal. It was ugly. It was exhausing. And, at times, it was fun.
Now, four kids later, I am still working for the same firm -- part time. Most of the year I work 12-15 hours a week. Once busy season starts I have agreed to ramp up to 20-24 hours a week. In reality, for most of March I worked 30-35 hours a week. Half as many hours a week as I used to work...and equally exhausting...maybe more so.
I realize many women work full time and raise their families, so I am NOT complaining. God bless them! The problem I have is that I have set my life up as a stay at home mom who works a few hours a week, which means I volunteer for 3 parent-teacher organizations (one of which I am President), I am the Treasurer for my church preschool and I am the go-to person to drive everyone everywhere. Adding 30-35 hours of work to that just doesn't work that well.
But I'm back. So hopefully blog posts will be coming more frequently. Oh! And I've discovered the joy of teenagers! So much material! Stay tuned!
Friday, January 7, 2011
Enabling
I've decided that I'm an enabler. I enable my kids to be less organized and less responsible than they should be and could be. I guess all moms do this to a certain extent because the idea of watching them fall on their face is difficult. And, let's face it, a major reflection on us.
Here are two examples, both from this morning.
At 6:30 this morning Brooke came into my room and told me that the 3rd payment for her Disney trip is due today. Seriously? She couldn't have mentioned this yesterday? Nope. So, instead of having her tell the band director that she forgot it and would bring it on Monday, I got out of bed and filled out the payment coupon and off she went.
Fast forward 35 minutes, Kevin has left for the bus and the phone rings. Surprise! It's Kevin. He left the school's flip video camera on the railing. Can I bring it to him at the bus stop! OK. Now I am in my bathrobe and slippers and it is snowing out. So, what do I do? I grab my jacket and keys and drive around the corner, in the snow, in my bathrobe and slippers to give him the camera. No motivation whatsoever for him to not make the same mistake again.
Or is there?
I'm thinking that there will be a list of chores for both of my forgetful friends when they get home from school. There has got to be a price to pay for them... and a reward for me.
Here are two examples, both from this morning.
At 6:30 this morning Brooke came into my room and told me that the 3rd payment for her Disney trip is due today. Seriously? She couldn't have mentioned this yesterday? Nope. So, instead of having her tell the band director that she forgot it and would bring it on Monday, I got out of bed and filled out the payment coupon and off she went.
Fast forward 35 minutes, Kevin has left for the bus and the phone rings. Surprise! It's Kevin. He left the school's flip video camera on the railing. Can I bring it to him at the bus stop! OK. Now I am in my bathrobe and slippers and it is snowing out. So, what do I do? I grab my jacket and keys and drive around the corner, in the snow, in my bathrobe and slippers to give him the camera. No motivation whatsoever for him to not make the same mistake again.
Or is there?
I'm thinking that there will be a list of chores for both of my forgetful friends when they get home from school. There has got to be a price to pay for them... and a reward for me.
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