So many of my stories are about my kids and their silly antics...and everyone knows that they have inherited their "blonde" from me. But, here is a story to show that it goes back at least one more generation.
My parents live in an over-55 community in Cranbury. Both are very active and have very busy lives. Recently Mom went to a craft fair with a friend. Dad did his own thing and was sitting in the family room watching TV when he heard the garage door open. He assumed Mom was home. Then the garage door went down. Then up again. Then down. Then up.
Meanwhile, IN THE NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOR'S DRIVEWAY, Mom is sitting in her car wondering why the garage door opener isn't working. When she got out of the car to use the key pad and realized there was not a key pad the lightbulb went on and she looked around to see that she had pulled into the wrong driveway. Genious!
Her justification is that her neighbor's husband has a car very similar to my dad's that was parked in the driveway. Not a strong arguement in my opinion. Kind of makes me wonder if she should be driving at all!
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Friday, July 29, 2011
Camping/canoeing 2009
OK. I am well aware that this post is 2 years late. And I am also painfully aware that just about everyone I know has heard this story. However, in the spirit of recording life's more amusing moments, I am going to tell this story YET AGAIN!!! I also need to follow up with my diary of this year's camping/canoe trip. And my sense of order does not allow me to tell the stories out of order. (Spoiler alert: Daniel and I bailed out on the canoeing part of this year's trip)
Anyway, I married into an "outdoorsy" family. The Ruoffs camp. Fletchers do not. Ruoffs also canoe. Fletchers do not. So, two years ago when Eric's brother was arranging a family camping/canoe trip I was a bit apprehensive. It would have been fine if Eric and I had only one or two kids and we could all go in one canoe with Eric at the helm. But, noooo, we went and had four children, which means that our family needs two canoes -- one with Eric and 2 kids and one with me and 2 kids.
So, after a 30 minute van ride down a dirt road, after which I was feeling more than a little motion sick, Eric puts me in a canoe with Mark and Daniel and pushes me out onto the river. Note that I say "river". This is not a lake with wide open space and little current. This is narrow, with logs and tree branches to challenge even the most experienced canoe-steerer. And have I mentioned that I DON'T KNOW HOW TO STEER A CANOE!!! So, off we go with me saying to Eric "You need to come right after us because I don't know what I'm doing." Well, seems that Donny Do Right didn't hear me and decided that he would help everyone else get into their canoes and onto the river...leaving me floating down the river alone. Needless to say, things didn't go well.
100 yards into the trip, a canoe in front of us tipped over, dumping its occupants into the water. Daniel freaked and cried for the next 30 minutes. He actually said "I want to go to a hotel" -- yup, that's my boy! I was really not able to calm his fear as we were going backwards, sideways and every which way down the river. When I realized that the S.O.B. was not coming, I grabbed a tree branch and held on for dear life. Meanwhile, the rest of his family members are maneuvering their canoes with grace past me. Every once and a while I would let go and try again, but every attempt seemed to bring a new challenge. A low hanging tree branch hitting Mark in the face, a log to steer around which always resulted in a sideways/backwards predicament, another canoe in trouble to get Daniel crying again. Things were not going well and I was pissed!
Eric finally caught up and boy did he hear it. I was actually asking complete strangers as they passed if they knew good divorce attorneys. He had to jump out of his canoe twice to help get me around logs. And did I mention that he had Brooke and Kevin...our two oldest children in HIS canoe. He was desperately trying to "right" the situation with instuctions "Paddle right, no left. Paddle backwards. No. On the right!" Really not that helpful.
After about an hour of this torture...and that hour seemed like days!!!...I said to Eric, "I think we need to pull over to that sandy area and re-group. None of the kids are even sunscreened." His response was "Oh, OK, well I sunscreened myself." Are you kidding me?!?! He actually sunscreened himself and none of our children AND was dumb enough to tell me! I suggested that next time he keep his mouth shut and re-apply.
We stopped, sunscreened, had lunch and recruited his niece to steer my canoe. Really, we can credit her with the fact that we are still married today. Thanks Lindsay!!
Anyway, I married into an "outdoorsy" family. The Ruoffs camp. Fletchers do not. Ruoffs also canoe. Fletchers do not. So, two years ago when Eric's brother was arranging a family camping/canoe trip I was a bit apprehensive. It would have been fine if Eric and I had only one or two kids and we could all go in one canoe with Eric at the helm. But, noooo, we went and had four children, which means that our family needs two canoes -- one with Eric and 2 kids and one with me and 2 kids.
So, after a 30 minute van ride down a dirt road, after which I was feeling more than a little motion sick, Eric puts me in a canoe with Mark and Daniel and pushes me out onto the river. Note that I say "river". This is not a lake with wide open space and little current. This is narrow, with logs and tree branches to challenge even the most experienced canoe-steerer. And have I mentioned that I DON'T KNOW HOW TO STEER A CANOE!!! So, off we go with me saying to Eric "You need to come right after us because I don't know what I'm doing." Well, seems that Donny Do Right didn't hear me and decided that he would help everyone else get into their canoes and onto the river...leaving me floating down the river alone. Needless to say, things didn't go well.
100 yards into the trip, a canoe in front of us tipped over, dumping its occupants into the water. Daniel freaked and cried for the next 30 minutes. He actually said "I want to go to a hotel" -- yup, that's my boy! I was really not able to calm his fear as we were going backwards, sideways and every which way down the river. When I realized that the S.O.B. was not coming, I grabbed a tree branch and held on for dear life. Meanwhile, the rest of his family members are maneuvering their canoes with grace past me. Every once and a while I would let go and try again, but every attempt seemed to bring a new challenge. A low hanging tree branch hitting Mark in the face, a log to steer around which always resulted in a sideways/backwards predicament, another canoe in trouble to get Daniel crying again. Things were not going well and I was pissed!
Eric finally caught up and boy did he hear it. I was actually asking complete strangers as they passed if they knew good divorce attorneys. He had to jump out of his canoe twice to help get me around logs. And did I mention that he had Brooke and Kevin...our two oldest children in HIS canoe. He was desperately trying to "right" the situation with instuctions "Paddle right, no left. Paddle backwards. No. On the right!" Really not that helpful.
After about an hour of this torture...and that hour seemed like days!!!...I said to Eric, "I think we need to pull over to that sandy area and re-group. None of the kids are even sunscreened." His response was "Oh, OK, well I sunscreened myself." Are you kidding me?!?! He actually sunscreened himself and none of our children AND was dumb enough to tell me! I suggested that next time he keep his mouth shut and re-apply.
We stopped, sunscreened, had lunch and recruited his niece to steer my canoe. Really, we can credit her with the fact that we are still married today. Thanks Lindsay!!
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Ruoff quote of the day
Snapple fact on Brooke's iced tea cap: "The plastic things on the ends of shoelaces are called aglets."
Ruoff quote of the day: "Someone needs to tell Snapple that Phineas and Ferb have already covered that."
Ruoff quote of the day: "Someone needs to tell Snapple that Phineas and Ferb have already covered that."
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Brotherly love
Getting out of the car at swim practice this morning, Kevin opened the manual door and Mark opened the automatic door. Kevin said to Mark, "That door is for wieners." Mark countered with "Oh, then come on out."
You just gotta love the mutual love and respect they have for each other!
You just gotta love the mutual love and respect they have for each other!
Sunday, July 17, 2011
"Pay no attention to the anti-itch cream on the floor"
We are just back from a weekend camping trip with the Ruoff clan and everyone is riddled with bug bites. Kevin came in to ask me if we have any hydocortizone and I directed him to the drawer in the bathroom.
He obviously found it because I just walked into the family room and as I passed him sitting on the stairs he says, "Pay no attention to the anti-itch cream on the floor." Took me a second or two to double back, but, sure enough, there is a big glob of hydrocortizone on the floor. Ugh!
See, babies and young children are easier...if Daniel had a bug bite (or 15 as the case may be with Kevin), I would be putting on the anti-itch cream and it would NOT be on the floor.
He obviously found it because I just walked into the family room and as I passed him sitting on the stairs he says, "Pay no attention to the anti-itch cream on the floor." Took me a second or two to double back, but, sure enough, there is a big glob of hydrocortizone on the floor. Ugh!
See, babies and young children are easier...if Daniel had a bug bite (or 15 as the case may be with Kevin), I would be putting on the anti-itch cream and it would NOT be on the floor.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Why do I have to re-live my teen years?
One of the problems with parenting teenagers is that it brings you back to your own teen years...and I know very few people who would choose to re-live junior high or high school. Too much drama. Too many mistakes.
As many of my Facebook friends have pointed out, and I agree, I WOULD happily take back my body at 16. But all of the other stuff...no thanks...not without the wisdom that I have now. Why is it that we don't develop the social skills and mental toughness to deal with junior high and high school issues until we are at least in our 30's?
I think the key thing that many teens are lacking is the ability to assert themselves. This one skill would really eliminate most teenage drama. For example, a group of girls (or boys) who sit at lunch all year together all of a sudden start to exclude one of them from the conversations. As an adult, I would say "Hey, what's the matter? Did I say or do something that offended you?" (Which in all probability I did) and they would tell me, I would apologize and/or explain myself and we would move on -- either as friends or I would find another lunch table. But, the response of a typical teenager (at least my two teenagers and my one soon-to-be teenager) is to ignore it until it goes away. This results in days and maybe weeks of misery at lunch. AND it doesn't let you know what the problem is or was so that it can be fixed.
And relationships with boys? Ugh! I was a disaster in high school. I did well early on...my boyfriend in 8th grade was a gem. Nice, cute, great family...6 inches shorter than me, but a great guy (his sister is now my dentist). I have a hilarious picture of the two of us before our 8th grade dance...he is standing on the step and I am on the sidewalk...and I am still taller than him! Anyway, I digress. Things went downhill from there and by junior year I found myself in what I now know was an abusive relationship. He didn't beat me up or even hit me, but manipulation was his game and I was too stupid to see it. He isolated me from my friends and alienated me from my family. If I even said hello to another boy he would squeeze my hand (which he was always holding) until it hurt. To say my mother hated him would be an understatement. And because she hated him, I went out with him for a year and a half. (I wonder where my kids get their stubbornness?) Now I see my daughter in relationships and I am so overprotective it is ridiculous! She has none of the above issues...if she did I would be completely freaking out. But teenage boys are not generally caring, giving individuals. It is tough to watch her in a relationship with the baggage that I carry around. Can I lock her in the house and not let her date until she is smart enough to recognize the losers? I wish!
And what am I going to do when the boys are dating? Am I going to hawk them to be sure that they don't become my ex? Yikes! I've got a long road!
No one tells you when you are having babies that all that getting up in the middle of the night, changing diapers and colic...that is the easy part. Teenagers...that's the hard part. And the saying that a mom can only be as happy as her least happy child...totally true...and you learn that only as your children grow and experience heartbreak and pain.
OK...since this has gotten a little serious I am going to lighten it up and give everyone a laugh by throwing myself under the bus and posting the picture of me and my then boyfriend before our 8th grade dance. Brooke insists. And since she has been the source of more than a few funny posts, it is only fair that I indulge her. So, here goes...
![]()
As many of my Facebook friends have pointed out, and I agree, I WOULD happily take back my body at 16. But all of the other stuff...no thanks...not without the wisdom that I have now. Why is it that we don't develop the social skills and mental toughness to deal with junior high and high school issues until we are at least in our 30's?
I think the key thing that many teens are lacking is the ability to assert themselves. This one skill would really eliminate most teenage drama. For example, a group of girls (or boys) who sit at lunch all year together all of a sudden start to exclude one of them from the conversations. As an adult, I would say "Hey, what's the matter? Did I say or do something that offended you?" (Which in all probability I did) and they would tell me, I would apologize and/or explain myself and we would move on -- either as friends or I would find another lunch table. But, the response of a typical teenager (at least my two teenagers and my one soon-to-be teenager) is to ignore it until it goes away. This results in days and maybe weeks of misery at lunch. AND it doesn't let you know what the problem is or was so that it can be fixed.
And relationships with boys? Ugh! I was a disaster in high school. I did well early on...my boyfriend in 8th grade was a gem. Nice, cute, great family...6 inches shorter than me, but a great guy (his sister is now my dentist). I have a hilarious picture of the two of us before our 8th grade dance...he is standing on the step and I am on the sidewalk...and I am still taller than him! Anyway, I digress. Things went downhill from there and by junior year I found myself in what I now know was an abusive relationship. He didn't beat me up or even hit me, but manipulation was his game and I was too stupid to see it. He isolated me from my friends and alienated me from my family. If I even said hello to another boy he would squeeze my hand (which he was always holding) until it hurt. To say my mother hated him would be an understatement. And because she hated him, I went out with him for a year and a half. (I wonder where my kids get their stubbornness?) Now I see my daughter in relationships and I am so overprotective it is ridiculous! She has none of the above issues...if she did I would be completely freaking out. But teenage boys are not generally caring, giving individuals. It is tough to watch her in a relationship with the baggage that I carry around. Can I lock her in the house and not let her date until she is smart enough to recognize the losers? I wish!
And what am I going to do when the boys are dating? Am I going to hawk them to be sure that they don't become my ex? Yikes! I've got a long road!
No one tells you when you are having babies that all that getting up in the middle of the night, changing diapers and colic...that is the easy part. Teenagers...that's the hard part. And the saying that a mom can only be as happy as her least happy child...totally true...and you learn that only as your children grow and experience heartbreak and pain.
OK...since this has gotten a little serious I am going to lighten it up and give everyone a laugh by throwing myself under the bus and posting the picture of me and my then boyfriend before our 8th grade dance. Brooke insists. And since she has been the source of more than a few funny posts, it is only fair that I indulge her. So, here goes...
Makes me laugh everytime I look at it. And Brooke says my dress looks like an apron. But I will have you know that it is a Gunne Sax dress...very "in" back then. LOL!!! And those shoes are snappy, too. Ugh!!!
Brooke & Beth...I hope you are happy!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)