Eeeewwwww!!!

Here is the text of the global connect phone call we got from the high school this afternoon:

Good Evening:
This is Dr. Michael Wanko, principal of Piscataway High School.

This week, we discovered a bedbug in the girls locker room of the West Patton Wing. We quickly closed the locker room and checked the entire area. There is one row of lockers in the girls locker room that is affected. A specially trained dog inspected all nearby facilities and there are no bugs in the offices or boys locker room.
Over the winter break, we will be deep cleaning the entire locker room facility. Tomorrow students who use the affected locker room area will be given a plastic bag to bring home their belongings. It is imperative that all items be brought home sealed, that they be washed in hot water, and dried on the highest heat setting possible. Students will receive these instructions in writing.
Students not using the affected locker room will bring their belongings home for laundering as they usually do over the winter break.
We appreciate your assistance in maintaining the high level of sanitation we are accustomed to in the Piscataway School District. If you have any questions, please contact the Athletic Office at x 2259 or the school nurse.
Thank you and have a good evening.

Have a good evening? Seriously?

Oh, and in case there was any doubt...there are 2 girls locker rooms at PHS. And Brooke uses...you guessed it... the one in the West Patton Wing.

I think we can go ahead and spend his college money

Well, I think we can go ahead and spend Daniel's college money.

He asked me today to guess what he wants to be when he grows up. After failing with the old standbys -- policeman, fireman, football player, doctor (yeah, right!) -- I told him I give up. He announced that he wants to be an invisible ninja!

I'm thinking that does not require a college degree. Maybe Eric and I can use the extra money for a bigger retirement home because I'm thinking it will be the three of us. How much money could an invisible ninja make? And what are the chances that any self-respecting woman is going to marry a guy who aspires to be an invisible ninja? Nope. The future does not look bright.

Seriously?

Here's how the conversation went.

Mark: Mom, I have two questions.

Me: (in a pleasant and not irritated tone -- I promise!) What?

Mark: Never mind. I heard anger in your voice.

I guess next time I need to reply with "Yes, dear?"

Jeez. Everyone is so sensitive around here!

Maybe DWTS isn't a family TV show

Daniel and Brooke were watching Dancing with the Stars last week and Cheryl and Rick were dancing and after the dance, Daniel said to Brooke "She needs to put some more clothes on. I can see her boob crack!" Sure do hope he doesn't repeat that in his Kindergarten class!

Early onset alzheimers?

Is it possible for a 6 year old to have Alzheimers? I kind of doubt it. But, assuming I'm correct, then it is entirely possible that Daniel is otherwise mentally impaired. :)

First, his teacher told me last week that he forgets his lunch every day. I told her I was sure he was bringing his lunch...I carry it myself and hand it to him at the door. She replied, "No, he forgets to bring it to lunch!". Are you kidding me! The teacher announces that it is time to go to lunch and he gets on line WITHOUT HIS LUNCH?!?

So, we have come up with a strategy. I am now packing his snack in his lunchbox. So, after snack he puts his lunchbox right into the lunch cart. Seems fool proof. We'll see.

And then, I listen to the following exchange between Daniel and Eric:

Eric: Daniel, would you like to go to the football game?

Long pause...engrossed in Wii: Lego Star Wars

Daniel: What did you say?

Eric: I asked if you want to go to the football game.

Daniel: Did I say yes?

Yup. He might have early onset alzheimers. Or be mentally impaired.

Church

Why is it that the family attending church together is such a nightmare? Isn't church supposed to be a time of quiet reflection. Where we worship our Lord and thank Him for our many blessings?

The problem is...my many "blessings" spend the entire hour whining, complaining, speaking at inappropriate volumes, asking to leave to go to the bathroom or get a drink, etc., etc. By the end of the hour (which is, admittedly, sometimes more like an hour and 20 minutes...as my children will readily point out), I am ready to kill someone!!!

Yesterday, however, was different. No, they didn't behave like angels. That would be too much...and would probably signal the end of the world or something. No, they weren't horrible either. They were actually making me laugh. (I know...also inappropriate church behavior, but much better than making me want to lock them in a closet)

The preacher was a young woman from our church who has been a missionary in Paraguay for about 5 years. She was preaching on the power of prayer. She told a story of praying with a woman who had one leg shorter than the other. She told how, while in prayer, the woman's leg straightened and she stood up! A miracle, right?

Well, Mark leaned over and loudly whispered in my ear, "I don't believe it." By the way, we were sitting in the front row! I cracked up! She then even went on to comment that she was sure that some of us were sitting there being skeptical, but that, yes, indeed she had witnessed it and it was a miracle. Proof of the healing power of prayer.

Then came the next question, which I knew would come. "Would that work for my eyes?" I said "Maybe. But you have to believe." And, his answer was,"Well, I don't". Upon further reflection, though, he leaned over and said, "Maybe I'll try it on Kevin first." Little bugger is afraid that since he doesn't believe enough that his prayer might screw up his vision even more. So, he'll test it on Kevin first!!!

Then, at the end of service, Daniel leans over just before the last song, where we all hold hands and unite to go out into the world and share God's word, and says, "We are almost to my favorite part...the leaving!" I lost it. I tried to tell Eric and couldn't even get it out I was laughing so hard. Nice! Here I thought he liked holding hands. Singing an uplifting song. Nope. He just can't wait to get out of there. At 5! His siblings have corrupted him too!

He's very observant...and he's gonna embarrass me someday

I went to drop off a tax return to a friend the other day and took Daniel with me. He wanted to come to the door and as soon as I stepped in, he B-lined to the basement to play with a few of Ryan's toys (Ryan is in Kindergarten, so was not at home -- so Daniel probably wanted to have a little time with a much coveted and highly guarded special toy of his).

When it was time to go and we got into the car, Daniel immediately announced "She has got to clean that house!".

Yikes! Thank God the car door was closed and we were driving away from the house!

Me: "What?"

Daniel: "Mrs. Walker needs to vacuum her carpets...or get some Oxyclean or something!"

Me: "Oxyclean?"

Daniel: "Yeah, I saw a commercial for it. It takes stains out of carpet and stuff." She needs to get some."

OK, so two comments:
1. Daniel hardly lives in a sterile environment. On most days, my mother would say my house is downright dirty. I like to call it messy -- or better yet "lived in." But my point is, I find it interesting that Daniel even noticed. I also find it comforting to visit houses that are in worse condition than mine. You know...everything is relative.

2. The kid needs a filter!!! One of these days he is not going to wait until we are away from the house and totally humiliate me! Not sure how to handle this, except to keep my fingers crossed and some duct tape in my purse.