Birthday wishes

Yestereday before church Daniel started to say something to me. It went something like this:

"Hey Mom...Can I...Can I have..."

and he stopped.

So I followed with, "What?"

And his response was, "Never mind.  I will pray about it."

Now isn't that just darling? Aren't we doing a wonderful job raising him in a world of faith and belief in God and prayer?

Curious, I asked him again what he was going to say.

And he followed with, "I want a ripstick for my birthday."

Ugh!  He is praying for a ripstick for his birthday! Not for health and happiness or for a friend in need. Nope. A ripstick for his birthday.  And he seriously thinks he has a better chance of getting it from God than from me.  Ha!

Afro

Daniel: "Hey, there's CJ with his afro!"

Me: "The afro is not like a hat that he puts on and takes off. It is his hair."

Daniel: "Oh. Whatever."

Innocense

I often think about and discuss with my friends the challenges of parenting a 17 year old and a 7 year old at the same time (with a 15 and 12 year old in between, of course).  You know...waiting up for my 17 year old to get home from Great Adventure with her boyfriend then going to bed and having the 7 year old come in and want to sleep with me; looking at colleges with one while teaching the other to read; fighting with her about wearing shorts that are too short and/or shirts that are too low after discovering that he hasn't changed his underwear in 3 days. Having to parent children who are at two polar opposites of the developmental spectrum requires much multi-tasking and the ability to change direction at warp speed.  To the outside world I probably seem bi-polar at times.

But what I have never considered until this weekend is how it seems from his perspective...from the eyes of a 7 year old.

I was in the Adirondacks this weekend with my parents, the 4 kids and Brooke's boyfriend.  The sleeping arrangements were as follows:  Brooke and me in the Queen bedroom, Daniel and Mark in the Double bedroom and Joey and Kevin in the twin beds in the basement.   When it came time to put Daniel to bed that first night he asked why he was sleeping with Mark.  I didn't comment right away and he went on to say:  "Wait. (pause to think) This doesn't make sense. (longer pause to think) I should sleep with you, Kevin should sleep with Mark, and Joey should sleep with Brooke."  Wow!  I almost choked!  But I did manage to keep from laughing.  Because really, why wouldn't those be the arrangements?  Daniel sleeps with me (and pokes me in the head with his pointy elbow) any chance he gets, Kevin and Mark share a room at home (why wouldn't they here?), and Joey is Brooke's friend.  If she had brought a girlfriend, which she has in the past, they would share a room.  He has no clue how inappropriate the idea of Brooke and Joey sharing a room is.  Why would he?  He is 7. 

And despite the fact that he knows way more than your average 7 year old, I now know that at least some of his innocense remains intact.  Yay me!  I am awesome!  Actually, I am lucky.  Frankly, this has never even ocurred to me. I am raising a child in a world full of teens. And thank God most of the "teen stuff" goes right over his head.  So, I just told him, "The sleeping arrangements make perfect sense. Now go to sleep. Good night. I love you."   In this case, no explanation was needed. He doesn't need to know. He is 7.  And it's a good thing he doesn't need to know.  Because damn if I know how to explain that to him! Sometimes it's better to be lucky than good.  And I just got lucky.

Can't hide the truth forever

Brooke & her boyfriend have been going out now for about 7 months, so over the course of that time he has gotten to know more and more about the family and our household. You know, at the beginning when I knew Joey was coming over I cleaned. I picked up, dusted (a little), vacuumed, made sure dishes were in the dishwasher, etc. Then, as time went on, I would straighten up and vacuum. Now, I throw the crap in my bedroom and pick up the globs of dog hair from the hallway.

A few weeks ago he was here and, based on that visit, I think there will be no future effort made whatsoever to try and mask the truth of who we are and how we live. First, we were down to one roll of toilet paper for the 3 bathrooms. So he heard the announcement that the only bathroom with toilet paper would be the main bathroom on the first floor. Then Brooke called me to tell me that Zoey was eating toilet paper in her room (where she and Joey were hanging out). I mean really! We did not have enough toilet paper in the house for her to be consuming it! Sadly, the toilet paper she was eating was from the trash having previously been used by someone to blow their nose or something. Gross! Then, as I went into the upstairs bathroom to throw away the dog-chewed toilet paper I realized, to my horror, that there was dirty laundry on the floor. I had sorted and only gotten to one load...the other load was all over the bathroom floor! Thank God there is no toilet paper in that bathroom and he would have had to use the downstairs! Dammit. He's a guy. He doesn't need toilet paper!

Anyway, he now has TMI and I now just hope that she keeps him around for a while so he doesn't feel the need to blab about our disaster of a household. We certainly can't have an ugly break up that results in lots of bitterness on his part.  Hell, if they don't get married I may be in the market for some memory erasing drugs to slip in his drink!

College dreams...are they realistic?

I first need to preface this with the following: "Mark hates to read"  It may be a visual thing. Maybe with his poor vision it is just too tiring. But, truth be told, I think it is just that he would rather be doing something else.

This marking period he had to read one book and do a project on it.  I encouraged him to read The Hunger Games.  I read this book and loved it.  It has all of the things that an 11 year old boy should love: action, suspense and a fair amount of violence.

It took him no less than two full months to finish it. Painful!

Anyway, this morning he asked me about University of North Carolina. Both my father and my youngest brother went to this fine institution of higher learning.  He asked if he has good enough grades to get into UNC.  To which I replied, "Yes, I think you do. But you should start reading more."

His answer: "Why? Is North Carolina a reading school or something?"

After I finally regained my composure I said, "All colleges are really reading schools." He replied, "Oh man! I think I'll be a plumber."

Flash mob

WSB Flash Mob

Above is the link to the YouTube video of flash mob that I participated in with the accounting firm where I work. 

When they first sent out the e-mail regarding this I thought it sounded fun. Then, upon further reflection, I thought that there was serious potential for me to make an ass of myself. I was torn. Should I or shouldn't I? So, I asked the kids. They thought it was cool and convinced me to go ahead and do it. I'm not sure if they really thought it would be cool or if they just wanted to have an opportunity to laugh at me, but whatever.

So, on December 3rd I took a train with a number of my co-workers into NYC and did the flash mob. I had been practicing all week at home in my family room (to the laughs of Eric & the kids) and I was excited. And it was soooo much fun! What a great opportunity to be a part of something like that.

I am convinced, however, that at least Brooke, while convincing me to participate, was somewhat motivated by the prospect of being able to laugh at me. She spent much time last night texting her friends and telling them to watch it. I guess I should be pleased that she actually was amused and not embarrassed. She wanted her friends to see it. Hmmm. Maybe I am a little cool.

This could be dangerous

Mark:  "Mom, Could I have one of those pipe cleaner thingys to clean my ears?"

Ouch!

Compassion

The day after Thanksgiving, Eric threw his back out while playing football with the boys (Kevin, Mark & CJ, my 5th child who is really a bonus because I don't have to feed him or find a way to pay for college for him - really like that).  Anyway, he made it into the house, ate dinner with us, got around slowly all evening and went to bed.  In the morning when he got up it became apparent that things had worsened over night.  He took two steps away from the bed and collapsed onto the floor in excrutiating pain.  So, 911, ambulance, ER, lots of drugs (sadly, none for me), x-ray, and 3 hours later we arrive home.

First, Eric gets out of the car and makes it halfway to the house and is again gripped and yelling in pain.  I react by screaming "Do NOT go down to the ground! I will NOT be able to get you up!"  Hmmm.  OK, so Florence Nightengale I'm not.  But practical, right?  We made it to the hood of my car and neighbors (CJ and his dad) ran over to help and managed to get Eric into the house.

Next up...Brooke.  After Fred & CJ pretty much carry/drag her pained father into the house and carefully put him on the family room couch, she looks at me with a look of terror in her eyes and says, "He can't stay there, Mom! Joey is coming over later and we're watching movies!"  I guess the idea of watching Christmas movies with your boyfriend with your father on the other end of the couch looking like death warmed over because of all the pain meds he's been given is less than appealing, but really.  I need to work with her on her timing.  And, of course, her compassion.  That's it.  We need to work on her compassion.  But, maybe Eric is the better parent to teach that lesson.

Stationery card

Snowflakes Ribbon Christmas Card

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Honesty

Eric and I went to the PHS playoff football game on Friday night and Daniel decided at the last minute that he wanted to go.  As we were walking to the ticket booth, Eric told Daniel that he was going to be 5 for tonght (I guess he thought that was a fair guess at a potential free kid age).  So, he walks up to the booth and says, "Two adults and a 5 year old." And Daniel says, "I'm seven!"  Dammit! Can he not keep his yap shut! To save face for Eric, me, being the kind, considerate wife that I am, said to Daniel, "Yeah! You wish!" LOL!  Anyway, all that and there was no free child age anyway.  He could have been 3 and they would have charged us. Oh, and the child price was only $2. Yup. An epic fail for us.

And just earlier in the day I had been looking at Brooke's text messages on her phone while she was upstairs and Daniel hollered, "Brooke! Mom's looking at your cell phone!"  He's getting to be more trouble than he's worth.  I mean, really!  What's with this new honesty kick of his??  God knows he didn't learn that from his father!

The uni-brow...as described by a seven year old

Daniel was talking to my mom yesterday and telling her about "A", the girl who now sits next to him in first grade.  He told her that she has strange eyebrows.  Mom asked him what was strange about them and he said, "Well, they start over here where mine do (pointing to the outer part of his own right eyebrow) and then go across but there is only a puny little space before the next one starts."  Too funny!  I laughed so hard.  In the words of my sister-in-law..."Get that girl to a spa for an eyebrow waxing."  Who knew that a 1st grade girl could have a uni-brow??  Poor thing.

This kind of sums it up

OK. So, tonight I was on my way out of my house headed for my car when I noticed a man, who I had not seen before, walking across my lawn from my neighbor's in the direction of Kevin.  I walked over and the guy said "Are you his mother?", nodding toward Kevin. Despite the fact that I had no idea what was coming, and I was reasonably certain that he wasn't going to praise me for the fine job I had done raising such a nice young man, I said "Yes, I am."

Well, it seems that there had been an altercation between Kevin and "E" from next door.  This guy told me that he had seen it and that "E" had been the aggressor and was completely to blame, but that "E" had told him that Kevin had been saying bad things about his brother and mother all summer long.

I had a moment of panic, knowing that some not very kind things are said about our neighbors by me in our home that Kevin undoubtedly overhears.  However, when I asked Kevin if he had ever said anything bad about "E"'s mother he replied with, "I don't even know which one is his mother!"

For anyone reading this who knows the situation at my neighbors (9 adults, 9 children with a combined 3 mothers and 6 fathers), this is pretty funny.

It must be hereditary

So many of my stories are about my kids and their silly antics...and everyone knows that they have inherited their "blonde" from me.  But, here is a story to show that it goes back at least one more generation.

My parents live in an over-55 community in Cranbury. Both are very active and have very busy lives. Recently Mom went to a craft fair with a friend. Dad did his own thing and was sitting in the family room watching TV when he heard the garage door open. He assumed Mom was home. Then the garage door went down. Then up again. Then down. Then up.

Meanwhile, IN THE NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOR'S DRIVEWAY,  Mom is sitting in her car wondering why the garage door opener isn't working. When she got out of the car to use the key pad and realized there was not a key pad the lightbulb went on and she looked around to see that she had pulled into the wrong driveway.  Genious!

Her justification is that her neighbor's husband has a car very similar to my dad's that was parked in the driveway.  Not a strong arguement in my opinion. Kind of makes me wonder if she should be driving at all!

Camping/canoeing 2009

OK. I am well aware that this post is 2 years late. And I am also painfully aware that just about everyone I know has heard this story.  However, in the spirit of recording life's more amusing moments, I am going to tell this story YET AGAIN!!!  I also need to follow up with my diary of this year's camping/canoe trip.  And my sense of order does not allow me to tell the stories out of order. (Spoiler alert: Daniel and I bailed out on the canoeing part of this year's trip)

Anyway, I married into an "outdoorsy" family. The Ruoffs camp. Fletchers do not. Ruoffs also canoe. Fletchers do not. So, two years ago when Eric's brother was arranging a family camping/canoe trip I was a bit apprehensive. It would have been fine if Eric and I had only one or two kids and we could all go in one canoe with Eric at the helm. But, noooo, we went and had four children, which means that our family needs two canoes -- one with Eric and 2 kids and one with me and 2 kids.

So, after a 30 minute van ride down a dirt road, after which I was feeling more than a little motion sick, Eric puts me in a canoe with Mark and Daniel and pushes me out onto the river. Note that I say "river". This is not a lake with wide open space and little current. This is narrow, with logs and tree branches to challenge even the most experienced canoe-steerer.  And have I mentioned that I DON'T KNOW HOW TO STEER A CANOE!!! So, off we go with me saying to Eric "You need to come right after us because I don't know what I'm doing." Well, seems that Donny Do Right didn't hear me and decided that he would help everyone else get into their canoes and onto the river...leaving me floating down the river alone. Needless to say, things didn't go well.

100 yards into the trip, a canoe in front of us tipped over, dumping its occupants into the water. Daniel freaked and cried for the next 30 minutes.  He actually said "I want to go to a hotel" -- yup, that's my boy!  I was really not able to calm his fear as we were going backwards, sideways and every which way down the river.  When I realized that the S.O.B. was not coming, I grabbed a tree branch and held on for dear life.  Meanwhile, the rest of his family members are maneuvering their canoes with grace past me.  Every once and a while I would let go and try again, but every attempt seemed to bring a new challenge. A low hanging tree branch hitting Mark in the face, a log to steer around which always resulted in a sideways/backwards predicament, another canoe in trouble to get Daniel crying again.  Things were not going well and I was pissed!

Eric finally caught up and boy did he hear it. I was actually asking complete strangers as they passed if they knew good divorce attorneys.  He had to jump out of his canoe twice to help get me around logs. And did I mention that he had Brooke and Kevin...our two oldest children in HIS canoe.  He was desperately trying to "right" the situation with instuctions "Paddle right, no left. Paddle backwards. No. On the right!" Really not that helpful.

After about an hour of this torture...and that hour seemed like days!!!...I said to Eric, "I think we need to pull over to that sandy area and re-group. None of the kids are even sunscreened." His response was "Oh, OK, well I sunscreened myself."  Are you kidding me?!?! He actually sunscreened himself and none of our children AND was dumb enough to tell me! I suggested that next time he keep his mouth shut and re-apply.

We stopped, sunscreened, had lunch and recruited his niece to steer my canoe. Really, we can credit her with the fact that we are still married today.  Thanks Lindsay!!

Ruoff quote of the day

Snapple fact on Brooke's iced tea cap: "The plastic things on the ends of shoelaces are called aglets."

Ruoff quote of the day: "Someone needs to tell Snapple that Phineas and Ferb have already covered that."

Brotherly love

Getting out of the car at swim practice this morning, Kevin opened the manual door and Mark opened the automatic door.  Kevin said to Mark, "That door is for wieners." Mark countered with "Oh, then come on out."

You just gotta love the mutual love and respect they have for each other!

"Pay no attention to the anti-itch cream on the floor"

We are just back from a weekend camping trip with the Ruoff clan and everyone is riddled with bug bites.  Kevin came in to ask me if we have any hydocortizone and I directed him to the drawer in the bathroom.

He obviously found it because I just walked into the family room and as I passed him sitting on the stairs he says, "Pay no attention to the anti-itch cream on the floor."  Took me a second or two to double back, but, sure enough, there is a big glob of hydrocortizone on the floor. Ugh!

See, babies and young children are easier...if Daniel had a bug bite (or 15 as the case may be with Kevin), I would be putting on the anti-itch cream and it would NOT be on the floor.

Why do I have to re-live my teen years?

One of the problems with parenting teenagers is that it brings you back to your own teen years...and I know very few people who would choose to re-live junior high or high school. Too much drama. Too many mistakes.

As many of my Facebook friends have pointed out, and I agree, I WOULD happily take back my body at 16.  But all of the other stuff...no thanks...not without the wisdom that I have now. Why is it that we don't develop the social skills and mental toughness to deal with junior high and high school issues until we are at least in our 30's?

I think the key thing that many teens are lacking is the ability to assert themselves. This one skill would really eliminate most teenage drama.  For example, a group of girls (or boys) who sit at lunch all year together all of a sudden start to exclude one of them from the conversations.  As an adult, I would say "Hey, what's the matter? Did I say or do something that offended you?" (Which in all probability I did) and they would tell me, I would apologize and/or explain myself and we would move on -- either as friends or I would find another lunch table.  But, the response of a typical teenager (at least my two teenagers and my one soon-to-be teenager) is to ignore it until it goes away. This results in days and maybe weeks of misery at lunch. AND it doesn't let you know what the problem is or was so that it can be fixed.

And relationships with boys? Ugh! I was a disaster in high school. I did well early on...my boyfriend in 8th grade was a gem. Nice, cute, great family...6 inches shorter than me, but a great guy (his sister is now my dentist). I have a hilarious picture of the two of us before our 8th grade dance...he is standing on the step and I am on the sidewalk...and I am still taller than him! Anyway, I digress. Things went downhill from there and by junior year I found myself in what I now know was an abusive relationship. He didn't beat me up or even hit me, but manipulation was his game and I was too stupid to see it. He isolated me from my friends and alienated me from my family. If I even said hello to another boy he would squeeze my hand (which he was always holding) until it hurt. To say my mother hated him would be an understatement.  And because she hated him, I went out with him for a year and a half. (I wonder where my kids get their stubbornness?) Now I see my daughter in relationships and I am so overprotective it is ridiculous! She has none of the above issues...if she did I would be completely freaking out. But teenage boys are not generally caring, giving individuals. It is tough to watch her in a relationship with the baggage that I carry around. Can I lock her in the house and not let her date until she is smart enough to recognize the losers? I wish!

And what am I going to do when the boys are dating? Am I going to hawk them to be sure that they don't become my ex?  Yikes! I've got a long road!

No one tells you when you are having babies that all that getting up in the middle of the night, changing diapers and colic...that is the easy part.  Teenagers...that's the hard part. And the saying that a mom can only be as happy as her least happy child...totally true...and you learn that only as your children grow and experience heartbreak and pain.

OK...since this has gotten a little serious I am going to lighten it up and give everyone a laugh by throwing myself under the bus and posting the picture of me and my then boyfriend before our 8th grade dance. Brooke insists. And since she has been the source of more than a few funny posts, it is only fair that I indulge her. So, here goes...

Makes me laugh everytime I look at it.  And Brooke says my dress looks like an apron.  But I will have you know that it is a Gunne Sax dress...very "in" back then.  LOL!!!  And those shoes are snappy, too. Ugh!!!

Brooke & Beth...I hope you are happy!!!



Social blunder of the evening...

And the award goes to...Eric Ruoff!!!!

So, we were at Eric's niece's wedding last night. Eric and I were seated at a table with his sister, his brother and his wife, and another couple, Alicia and Wayne.  When we sat down and introduced ourselves, Alicia introduced herself and Wayne as "Julia's grandparents".  Julia is Eric's other niece's 5 year old daughter, fathered by a boy who, sadly, committed suicide during her pregnancy.  So, I made the connection in my head that they were Anthony's parents.  Right?  Obvious enough. Or so I thought.

About 20 minutes later, Eric, making small talk I guess, actually asked Alicia and Wayne if they had any children. Are you kidding me? As soon as he said it I thought "He did NOT just ask that question! Did he?!?" Unbelievable! He did. He asked them if they have any children. So, Alicia, clearly more socially graceful than my husband, anwered (stammered?) that they have a daughter and that their son was Julia's dad. Thankfully, Eric let it go there. Because I still don't think that he had put it all together. In an effort to stop the bleeding, I excused myself to the ladies room and asked Eric to get me a drink. (I sure needed one at that point)  On the way, I explained what he had just done.

He swears he didn't hear her when she said they were Julia's grandparents. So, he is either deaf or stupid. He even capitilized on that "deaf" thing later when she was talking and he moved over a seat and said, "Sorry, I don't hear very well." As if THAT will help!

Last day of school

Well, today is the last day of school here.  Brooke is now officially a junior in high school (YIKES...gotta start thinking about college), Kevin a freshman (OMG!), Mark a 6th grader (moving to middle school -- another OMG!) and Daniel is a 1st grader (never, ever again, will I have a Kindergartener...sniff, sniff, tear). 

I always feel strangely sentimental at the end of school.  On the one hand, I am glad to see school end and summer begin.  I always start out the summer kind of enjoying having the kids home.  I enjoy summer activities...the pool with friends, vacations, baseball games, playdates, etc.  On the other hand, I am saddened by the passage of time.  More than even birthdays, I really feel the passage of time with the last day of school.  Maybe because birthdays come one at a time.  On the last day of school they all "grow  up" together.

So, I am happy for the kids and proud of their wonderful accomplishments.  And I am sad for me...that my babies are growing up.